two years. moving on to the third. thats how long i havent been here and not intending to be. but today after being awaken by a call from jialin, i had the sudden urge to come back...

i had to admit that i was upset after reading those entries about the past. nostalgia? that's an understatement. i was feeling much worse than that.

was i really so happy? i cant remember. memories that i can draw from those entries...gene and i laughing along the corridors after breaks, huiying and i staying until midnight trying to complete history assignments, jialin and i rushing down to get mooncakes, lilin bouncing with her mambo bag, melissa chatting non-stop during lessons, tammy walking around the classroom...eli and i complaining about dance politics while waiting for cca to start. its darn beautiful. at least to me now, it seems so perfectly perfect.

i've lost it. all that i've build over that two years, i had let it go, so easily. and now i wonder why.
the voice that was leading me is gone and i long to hear it again. maybe it has given up on me.

things werent gg right, i swear, that's why i had been such a loser this year.

eli's left for ac. she was gg after what she wanted, i understand. and as much as i wished her luck, a part of me wanted so badly for her to stay. because i know how easy it is to drift apart when we are put into diff class, much less diff school.

then, hatful of stars ended. we all cried; being happy that the show felt great and sad that it was time to leave. for me, there was another reason - it has been my pillar of support and i had been holding onto it so tightly. i just wasnt prepared to go.

i think the fact that jialin,gene and huiying were all separated from me made things worse. life was total bitch.

i screwed up my studies as well. shant go on about it since no one enjoys studying anyway.

i guess i managed to survive all this shit because my friends stayed by me. i know how hard it is to find time to be tog when we are in diff classes and with so many darn activities gg on at the same time. huiying, thanks for putting so much faith and trust into this friendship and for taking out time to talk to me even though u could be having fun with your class, doing ur work or just spending time with yourself. it was great to know that someone is always there for you. even during the times when we just sat there and couldnt talk, i feel better, really. and gene, thanks for being so niceeee to me despite what happened in sec three and four. i think i must have been the luckiest person to have met a friend like you. sorry for taking you for granted if i did because you are really a great friend. and jialin, thanks for being so patient with me and for being emo too when i needed to be. i hope things are getting better for you and i promise to be there for you if u ever need me...

hmmm. i know we have all changed, as much as we tried not to. it's inevitable; i guess some things just come naturally. i admit i have, not so much physically but more of what's gg on inside. for one thing, i have definitely become more emotional, though it may not seem so to some.

i guess all decisions bring with them certain degree of regrets and i'll just learn to live with it.

recently, things have changed for the better. and i wanna thank the chinese dancers for being so accepting and encouraging. i have been inspired and let's just hope that this inspiration will carry me through my second year in hc.

[[mian]]-pointandflex-.

i finally remember my password!!!ohman..was just trying my luck again and i got in...sorry chit! i didnt mean to abandon the blog..just cant rmb the stupid password.

ahhh..there are so much work to do now...all the sias and tests. dying...

and yes huiying, u are so mean..spam my tagboard.i hope u get to see this entry..haha

yay!just v happy that my blog will be alive again!

[[mian]]-pointandflex-.

really didnt expect today to turn out the way it did..

woke up so early at seven plus..mainly coz i slept at eigth the previous night.haha..sound so pig.anyways, had this big fight with my brother and i was so gonna give up on him..but what happens at the end of the day made me forgot abt that..

anyways, i went to the boarding school to find yee chien to borrow "enemy at the gates"..bs security is really tight..and i took a long time b4 someone agreed to lend me her keys so that i could meet yc at her room.phew!then, i travelled down to newton to meet huiying afterwhich we took 54 to lilin's house..apparently,we got down the bus earlier and had to walk for so long to get there.really sorry,hy.

yupps..enemy at the gates is such a great show..it was so exciting. whats more, jude law is cute:)) it was abt world war two..battle of stalingrad.i really like the part when he took on the sniper..both of them are so smart. but it was scary too..world peace forever!

anyhow, huiying couldnt make it for "the aviator" so L3 and i went tog. we took the later show since the 5 oclock one was sold out. and we were late for the show again..sigh..still, the show's rather inspiring..desipte the fact that he is gg bankrupt, he didnt give up on his dream of building the world's largest airplane..and though there was this stage of depression, he got over it!and he is eccentric too, so throughout the entire show, there were many funny parts:)) overall,it wasnt too funny or serious either.

when the show ended, it was eight twenty!goodness..its so long!what happened next was the stupidest thing i have ever done. i took the train to cityhall and switch to the EW line to pasir ris when i live in cck!man, i was reading on the train and didnt realise it was taking me in the opp directtion.it was until tenah merah that i found out..

the good thing was i finish the book! "the diary of an anorexic girl". and b4 i go on, i wanna apologise to elizabeth first for u noe what..i really tried my best to keep it nice.:(oh yea, if u dont mind, i will get u a new bk. well, that story was quite sad initially and in between..but i like the ending..yea,another miracle. the girl recovered from anorexia and fell in love,got married and gave birth to a child..so sweet:P another thing was that her family was there to help her all along and not to mention her two best friends..who try so hard to make her feel better.she brush them all aside at first but as she grows older, she understands and appreciates what they have done for her..

what a day..i m so tired now.b4 i go to bed, let me thank a few ppl..

audrey--for remembering my birthday and being so sweet:) haha..
cheresa--for not being 'angry' with me anymore and always being so ticklish(i didnt forget u!)
gene--for being funny and fun
huiying--for listening to my long, boring talk and making me think more..
lilin--for gg out with me and always getting late for movies..
mel-for telling me all ur interesting stories and letting me tease u:P
jialin--for brightening up my day as always and for ur smileys
tammy--for all the jussips that really made us all laugh like dunno what
eli--for lending me so many books and always talking so much (oh yea, ur maths raft's really cool!dont worry abt it k?)
sk--for always laughing with me on the bus and sharing ur feelings
mar--for being a great shopper and all the nice stories abt u and duck*heh*
felicia--for all ur nice letters (esp the latest one)and for being a funky JUNIOR *smiles*
chit--for this blog and all the tags and hugs u gave:)) not to mention all the fun times!
jiaying--for letting me know there's sb like myself and all the letters + the two pair of earrings!
helen--for being my darling,trying to lift me and being so cute and nice to talk to yea:))
jiayuan-- for always playing with me and being so cute!
estella--for trying to scare me and being funny..a killer eh?

i noe all this sounds kinda wierd..but since i m feeling so thankful..might as well let u guys noe that i appreciate u all:))yuppz,thats all i gotta say for today..long entry yea.

[[mian]]-pointandflex-.

phew..cant believe one week of school is alr gone!hafen been blogging for so long coz i have been busy studying for the maths supplementary paper..hope i'll pass this time round!anyways, the sec one orientation perfomance went on rather smoothly though the audience response was kinda cold.we really practised hard for that piece and guess we all have quite high hopes for it since it was the piece a lot of ppl like:))

maths supp paper was on firday and as a way of celebrating the end of our studying for S3 maths, we(sk,eli, mar and me) went out on sat after our dance practice..first,we went swensen's for lunch and started talking abt what would happen when we all grow up to be in our twenties..quite scary to think bout that actually..in fact, i cant even imagine us being in jc..lols.

then after that,we went to goldheart to pierce our ears..i was really scared coz when i had my first earhole, i was only four and by now, i cant remember how it feels like anymore.we have been talking about wanting to pierce our ears for quite some time but i thought we would never do it:P so at the shop,sze khee went first and she looked really stunned when the person did the piercing..goodness..i think it was really painful!then by the time she was done with the other side of the ear, she actually said,"i think i will never get another one." obviously, i got even more nervous.i cant make up my mind as to whether i should get it done on my left or right ear and by the time i decided,i was asking myself if i should just not do it at all..but well,that person just counted to three and did it.gosh..it was painful..cant imagine ppl haveing six or seven earholes..could really feel the thing gg into my skin:((next was eli,what can i say..she was taking it really easy and after the piercing, she said it wasnt pain..hmm..sth must be wrong with her skin cells..

anyhow, just realise that this will be our last yr in ny..hmmm..there goes my secondary school life:(( hope i will really treaure what i have now..or else i m def gonna regret by the end of the year..btw,this is to all the ppl i noe--hope ur yr ahead would be fun and enjoyable..dont let trivial things bother u or ur frenz:))

[[mian]]-pointandflex-.

Fyl: This blog is strictly produced under the rights of Lim Mian and Sze Khee. -.-

Today had norm lessons s usual, but it was diff in a way..with everyone more bonded. Mr.raj came late (s usual too =x) so we took the time to watch the perf we did for mdm mak during the camp.. all the sec 3s were dancing along. lol.
Today's lesson was basically polishing on Body Electric. Coutdown 2 more days to the perf! so excited! Hope everything goes well...coz we wun be zou tai-ing and there r chances things will screw up. There'll be dance tomorrow too, a longer lesson because we spent lesser time today. Tomorrow we'll also be wearing the costumes..(talking bout that, i totally forgot to cut up the sequins). feeling lazy now. bleah

Travelled to concourse to get the poppers..it was rather hard to find that place though a lot of ppl alr explained to us how it looks like..luckily sze skee's dad fetch us there:))yea,the shop was ez to find..just went up the escalator and there it is..we got the poppers very quickly..i didnt expect it to be so cheap..anyways,we continued shopping after that and found this shop with loads of postcards..it was really very nice and we spent a very long time trying to decide which one to get..in the end,each of us took abt 15 of that..haha..i nvr knew postcards could be that buy-able..

oh yea,and we bought eli's bdae present too!it's a keychain kinda thing with her name engraved on it(dont worry,she wont be reading this..so the surprise will still be there:))besides that, also went to shop for clothes and stuff..it sure was a long day of walking..After we got Eli's presents we went Popular. I forgot what we went there for but we spent a whole LOT of time there - juz choosing notebooks. haha! When we came out it was already seven and we din even feel the time passing by. Mi and lm were choosing notebooks to use a diaries for next yr and after much unnecessary crap and pickiness about the design, size, colour blah blah, we finally settled on a (a brand)'s notebook. Lm thought of pasting one of the postcards we got earlier on on the front page so that it can be covered by the transparent cover and look real nice. I decided to do the same. So we took out all our postcards and chose some suitable ones, place them one by one on the front page so see which image turns out the best. We were in a dilemma, could not make up our minds what colour of the notebooks we wanted and which postcard to paste on it. We seem really tiao ti, haha. So basically that's what we did for the ahlf an hour?? I guess so, coz we were too bz finding faults with the notebooks that we did not take note of the time. yea.Ohya! We met Marianne while choosing the notebook coz she lives nearby and came to Westmall.

tmr we'll be having practise again for body electric and the orientation dance..today's practice was kinda lax and i think tmr's one will be tougher..but anyhow,the performance is on 31st and we def have to work hard for it:))

[[mian]]-pointandflex-.

i really cant believe our luck today!met gene and lilin at kap in the morn to do chem sia..also passed them their presents..haha..i think gene will like what i gave her..anyways after lunch we went back to school to do research..and it was like we couldnt really find anything..so we travelled to national archives by cab and stayed in the small reference section the entire afternoon..it was only when we were abt to leave that we realised there were other rooms which def have more info..to make things worse, we act left the only stuff we found there..so we end up with nth at the end of the day..sigh..

then, when i went home, lilin told me how bad the earthquake was..and when i watched the news..i understood what she was trying to say:( afterwards, eli called and started talking abt the earthquake too.it was really saddening to find out how many ppl died in this disaster..we then started asking ourselves what we would want to do if we know the next day was the last day of our lives..

yea..and of coz we also talked abt dance camp..we were saying that during the camp, we were all so passionate abt dance and i guess it really made me noe what dance is all abt..i didnt use to think that expression was impt..coz i thought from far the audience couldnt see it either..but that's not it..i guess when u give it ur full and show it on ur face what u feel, it doesnt matter if the audience can see it, the least they would feel it..i dunno..that's what i think:))
sometimes, i really dunno how i look like when i dance..and i get really scare when i have to dance in front of a crowd..pretty self conscious..wonder if everyone is liddat too..

hmmm..six more days to the start of term one for sec four..feeling so unprepared..hope can get all the work done by then!

[[mian]]-pointandflex-.

oh yea!i realised i forgot to talk bout the awards given out at the end of the camp..anyways,exotic won the dance competition and the best grp award..*claps*they did really well..in fact,i think all the grps put up a good show!and not to forget eli and sharon got the best attitude award!congrats!

right now, i still miss the camp a lot..all the fun and laughter we had while trying to rmb the steps from the dance styles and routines..just now, i went to some of the modern dancers blog and found out that a lot of people still miss it too..really hope the next camp would come soon and mr raj can get the assistants to dance with us again..btw,i was looking for some 'restless' pics online and happen to see mike's blog..the way he describe how he felt during and after 'restless'was really great!

for xmas, mom and dad didnt get us any presents,reason being they arent free..hmm..for the past few years,they did and once we got out of bed,we would get to open them..sob.so after dinner, they brought us out to shop for them and i got a watch!its black and quite small..those kind they allow us to wear to school:)

anyways,hope our dance performance on the 31st will really rock the place with everyone enjoying it!

[[mian]]-pointandflex-.